Tops for relatively narrow shoulders

[Styyna]

I'm inspired by the post about shirts for D-DD cups to ask my question:

My shoulders must be narrow because when I find a shirt or other top that fits well everywhere else, it hangs off my shoulders. I have this problem with every type from sleeveless to long sleeved. Needless to say, the rest of the fit is wonky as a result. The extra fabric creates folds through the bustline where I really don't want them.

Does anyone else have this problem and/or suggestions for dealing with this? Thanks!

[Cougar]

Not that problem here ... I've got shoulders like a football player 

I'm thinking that raglan sleeves could be a solution for you.

[Poppyfields]

I'm Cougar's sister - all tops are too small in the shoulder for me.
I have large, square shoulders and long arms.

Just to throw out ideas - have you tried Juniors sizes?  They are probably made for smaller frames.

[CathyEarnshaw]

How about adding some shoulder pads? Then you can wear anything you like!

[milla]

Dear Styyna,

I know that many people think that shoulder pads are very 80s, Alexis Carrington in Dynasty, etc, but I think that a little padding in the shoulder area is not necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps you could buy some small shoulder pads that can be sewn inside your tops. Just an idea. Some people just put them under their bra straps but I don’t think that works very well because they move and they are far more noticeable, especially under thin fabric.

[SusieQ]

Of course, I have nothing to add because I have Coug's shoulder, too. A few more of us and we can start a football team. 

But, I hope you find great ideas from our ladies, here.

[Styyna]

Dear Styyna,

I know that many people think that shoulder pads are very 80s, Alexis Carrington in ‘Dinasty’, etc, but I think that a little padding in the shoulder area is not necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps you could buy some small shoulder pads that can be sewn inside your tops. Just an idea. Some people just put them under their bra straps but I don’t think that works very well because they move and they are far more noticeable, especially under thin fabric.

I confess, I loved the days when shoulder pads were fashionable. Maybe I'll see if I can find some small ones and, as you suggested, sew them into some of my garments. Maybe even use velcro so I can easily switch them out.

Of course, dropping some more weight would probably help with this problem all by itself but I'm doing that in a very slow, lifestyle-changing way and I have to find something that works in the meantime.

Thanks.

[cara4art]

Some of the situation might come from what SHAPE one's shoulders are, as in either sloping, or square, aside from muscle tone issues. If one's shoulders ARE sloping, and on the narrow side besides, then indeed things will tend to slide off more than on someone who might have the same build, width of shoulders etc. but they're square. In my case, I'm on the smallish side, with not awfully-wide shoulders, that are square, so they look wider than they are, plus I do work out.
Another factor is that a lot of clothes are just cut lousy, and they don't take the trouble to have a nice seam and construction at the shoulder line like they used to quite awhile back. With the right construction(which one now has to pay for through the nose it seems)a pad might not even be necessary, just the seam sitting properly and reinforced so there's some structure there. However, a thin pad might very well work in certain situations just like milla said.
Best of luck! When one finds something good and really suits the shoulder line it makes a HUGE difference in how one looks - often the difference between looking dumpy, or reasonably trim and stylish.

[milla]

I agree with Cara. Please consider that triumph of tailoring: a man's suit. A well-cut suit will substantially improve a man's appearance and cover a lot of less -than- flattering features.Broader shoulders, flatter stomach: all you need is a good taylor. But it costs. Same with women's clothes and this his why I wish I could afford a dressmaker, or had time to make my own clothes.
It is a case of shopping around to find the labels that offer the best fit and, meanwhile, buying some small shoulder pads. I have got some and I still use them.

[makinalist]

I was thinking that when the weather turns cooler and you start layering tops again, your shoulders will appear more filled out.  Am I right?

Shoulder pads are tricky, but might work if small enough.  I'm sure I have taken more out than I have put in, though.

Does a stretchy fabric work better for you?  Something that fits smoothly over your shoulders, I mean.  Also, a loose sleeve might camouflage the problem -- something fluttery.  And I like Cougar's raglan sleeves idea, too.  Just avoid the traditional shoulder seam lineup!

[Styyna]

Initially I thought the shoulder pads idea was a good one - using very small pads, of course. Then I realized that a lot of my tops are knit and I'm not sure how well they would work under them. I'd like them to be discreet. Stretchy fabric seems to emphasize the problem.

But, as the weather turns cooler, I will see if I can't find more woven, structured shirts that can handle the addition with more discretion and, as Anne mentions, layering will help some, if only on the outer layer(s).

Raglan sleeves sound ideal but I can't think where I've seen them. Unfortunately, I haven't been inside a clothing store in well over a year - living so far out in the sticks it's a major event to get to a location with real shops that have a wide selection to try on different brands and styles.

Thanks for the tips and ideas! I knew I could count you you.

[ddgattina]

Just saw this post-- sorry for the late reply.  I used to have small shoulders, but pushups and weight training increased my shoulder size enough that I am no longer using shoulder pads.  So I can highly recommend weight training, which can give really fast results (say...6 months? if you do it regularly and go for heavier weights and fewer reps, for a real "build" program).

So I no longer use these, but they did work really well, and you can even use them with knits or with more tailored tops.  This way you don't have to sew pads into every top, and they do stay in place.  The soft foam looks natural, and come in several sizes, so you don't channel the 80's Dynasty look!  Only problem:  they can be warm to wear in hot weather. 

http://www.herroom.com/the-natural-3008-shoulder-pads-with-flaps.shtml?utm_source=feed&utm_medium=csse&utm_campaign=googlebase&utm_content=cgro01-3008

I found that boat necks, wide v-necks and halter tops, and raglan sleeves all complemented smaller shoulders. Some stylists say "no halter tops", but I disagree-- I thought they did look good. Also  sweaters with wider cowl type necks, or biggish wide collars.  I kind of miss wearing those boat neck tops, which I've always liked, and they just don't look as good anymore!

[makinalist]

Styyna!  These look wonderful!  I wouldn't mind trying those Slim Line ones myself, just to balance my hippy shape.  Thank you for the link, ddgattina!

[cara4art]

@ddgattina - awesome! I'm in complete agreement about building one's own shoulders having done it myself. I'm on the small side with not-wide shoulders(but at the same time they are in balance with my hips since I'm a very modified hour-glass shape)on account of small bone structure, but weight-training, planks, and push-up type of movements really do work to improve the appearance of shoulders for one's own shoulder pads. Too many women are afraid to to do this because they think they'll get bulky if they so much as lift a 5-pound weight a few times. Often the women who are afraid of "bulking" are carrying too much fat overall, and until they lose some of that fat, then indeed they might appear slightly bulkier. BThe reality is that most women who take up a good resistance-training program along with a decent diet will become firmer and more shapely, according to their body type, and even some muscle definition if the diet is tight over a period of time. Some will get that definition more easily than others, due to natural inclinations of body type and fat. One other thing that really helps shoulders, is postural training, like classic Pilates, ballet, and good body work - all three serve to help realign the upper body giving an improved carriage, with the added benefit of opening the chest area, making one feel better too. I read somewhere that one thing that can make or break a more youthful appearance is posture, even beating out clothes. All of this makes a huge difference in how one's clothes look, as it's well-known that how the garment hangs at the shoulders influences the whole drape and look. Poor posture, and bad fit at shoulders can make one look dumpy and heavier than one needs to, while the right fit and excellent posture can make one look a lot better. So yes, a few things do come into this.

[Styyna]

ddgattina - thank you so much for this great find! They look like just the thing without, as you pointed out, making me look like a Dynasty relic.

I appreciate the style suggestions as well. I have yet to find my own style. Something that came effortlessly to me in my youth is now totally beyond my comprehension. It doesn't help that I haven't been in a store to actually try things on more than once or twice in as many years (or more!). The distance to any kind of shopping is great and illness has been an issue during the past year. The few times that I have been strong enough I have gone to visit loved ones rather than shop.

cara4art - while I truly appreciate and admire your (and other members') dedication to a healthy body, I am a sad disappointment along those lines. By the time I was in first or second grade I was inexplicably convinced that I was physically inferior and with rare exceptions that has been a self image that has been hard to shake.

I haven't given up on physical fitness and actually will post to the fitness board about that. I just wanted to acknowledge that you obviously have what it takes, as do ddgattina and many other wonderful women here. Keep up the good work!

[makinalist]

By the time I was in first or second grade I was inexplicably convinced that I was physically inferior and with rare exceptions that has been a self image that has been hard to shake.

Oh, honey!  I was exactly the same way as a child!  I had been born with a common defect -- a congenital hip dislocation -- that was not detected early enough to easily fix.  Long story short, I was awkward and uncoordinated in sports.  I liked to jump rope, ride my bike, swim, and play hopscotch -- all individual activities.  I was,however, the only child in my class to strike out in kickball, after which I hid in the restroom whenever we played.

That self-image has stayed with me for 50 years!

[Styyna]

Aww, Listy. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd find someone so similar to me in that way. I probably understand as well as anyone can how it felt to hide in the restroom.

I did have one inspired moment though. Every year we had Field Days which were all about physical competition and eagerly anticipated. Well, except by me (though I did love the ice cream cup and wooden scoop at the end. ) until 5th grade. Participation was entirely voluntary and I, of course, routinely stood on the sidelines. But that year I decided that someone had to come in last in the races so I entered them. I can't say that I was as excited as the other kids but at least I was bored silly. And in one race I wasn't even last!

[cara4art]

Aw Styna! Body image can really take a beating from life experiences, illnesses and stresses over the years, but there's compassionate help out there to address this. Someone to talk to that deals with women and body image, and transitions. I know from another thread that you've had to deal with illness. Any kind of big shift or trauma can really affect how one feels about oneself on deep levels until some sort of resolution happens. Might be worth looking around although I know that can be challenging since you had mentioned living away from town.
In the process of counselling, one will come to appreciate one's body and what it can do in the present, and often an appropriate, enjoyable form of movement or fitness training follows. One can't help one's particular bone structure but one can learn new things and come into deeper, positive awareness of one's body. The thing that really empowers women in their bodies is finding something they can do and feeling their bodies acquiring new capabilities, which is different from "OMG - my hips are so fat!" etc. - it's about coming into what's good for YOUR body, not someone else's. That alone can be a real revelation for women, who are more used to comparing their bodies to impossible media standards, or worse yet, being made fun of for one thing or another when young, or even in the present! Even subtle, or not-so-subtle parental messages affect one this way. I know, those early painful experiences can stay with one a LONG time! As women, we are subjected to a barrage of stuff about this and it can really hold us back from having a happier more whole life.
Trust me Styna, even though I don't know what your body looks like, I know there's a sweet strong person in there who wants to get healthy and have a better relationship with your given body. Hope any of this helps - forgive me if I've crossed a line anywhere.

[Styyna]

Thank you, cara4art. What a sweet and sensitive reply, very encouraging as well.

You are correct. It has been a life-long struggle and goal - at the same time - to have a better "relationship with [my] body."

Gaining weight, until my 40's except during pregnancy, was a struggle. Then I was put on a medication that, due to my lifelong total lack of concern about quantity eaten, induced a huge weight gain (60 lbs. in a year). I've just begun to get a handle on not only portion control but also choosing healthier foods. My goal is not to diet but to improve my dietary lifestyle in a thoughtful, mindful way. It seems to be working as I'm very slowly losing weight that doesn't come back.

I just posted about a possible fitness option that I am considering now that winter isn't far away. Your input would be appreciated.

[cara4art]

@Styyna - sorry I mispelled your user name LOL! Glad I could be of help - sometimes I don't always know if I'm coming on too strong with too much input for someone to handle. I'll pop over to the other thread and we'll continue there, as it's gotten more into body and fitness stuff. See ya there!

[SusieQ]

Styyna and Listy big hug to you both! 

[makinalist]

Aww, thanks guys!

[ddgattina]

I'm in total agreement about posture, Cara!  It's good for you (back, muscles, etc), for how you feel and how you look.  Even simple things (like the Pilates postural guidance about how to hold your ribs) can tranform how your clothing hangs.

For those of you convinced that a whole body weight training program is beyond you, I have to say that I started just where you are.  But my sister started using The Firm tapes at home, and they worked wonders, so I got Volume 1 to try. This was decades ago!  But when I got Volume 1 , I couldn't make it past the first section, which did a lot of shoulder and bicep work.  So that all that I did!! But I found that the results I got from doing just that one section before pooping out and having breakfast were so amazing that it motivated me to do more.  So even if you pick a couple body parts, and begin to do weight work focusing on them (like shoulders and biceps) you will really begin to see what you can do.  

[Styyna]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone! ddgattina, I hadn't thought about starting in a section so that is good food for thought.

I, too, am in complete agreement about posture. That is one thing that my mother, unknowingly, inspired in me. At a very young age I happened to notice that, no matter her weight or state of health, she had lovely posture. I've spent my entire life trying to emulate that. What I hadn't considered was the effect on how clothing hangs. Learn something new every day.

[milla]

By the time I was in first or second grade I was inexplicably convinced that I was physically inferior and with rare exceptions that has been a self image that has been hard to shake.

Oh, honey!  I was exactly the same way as a child!  I had been born with a common defect -- a congenital hip dislocation -- that was not detected early enough to easily fix.  Long story short, I was awkward and uncoordinated in sports.  I liked to jump rope, ride my bike, swim, and play hopscotch -- all individual activities.  I was,however, the only child in my class to strike out in kickball, after which I hid in the restroom whenever we played.

That self-image has stayed with me for 50 years!

Well, I can assure you that you are not alone...
I am not quite sure how my problems with gross motor skills started ; I suspect it is all because I am  short-sighted (I started wearing glasses when I was 11 ), and I also had a history of ear infections (otitis) if meant that I was probably quite deaf at times-this really affected my coordination and balance  and I found PE very challenging, especially games.If you are not good at sports you are seen as an inferior human being. I would have given all my good grades just to be good at sports...It was not until I was an adult that I found my niche and realised that physical activity does not have to be competitive and that there is something for everybody.
I would tell anyone who is concerned about taking up a sport/activity not to give up.Just find what you are comfortable with.
Styyna I have seen a couple of photos of you and you are a beautiful woman. I am sorry that you have had health problems lately and I hope that you are on the way to a complete recovery.xx

[Styyna]

I just love this forum and the beauties who post. Who would have thought I'd find other women who are similar to me in their self-perceptions regarding physical abilities.

Thanks, everyone, for the kind and thoughtful replies. I am encouraged to continue to change my mindset about what I can and can't do, with more emphasis on what I can do as long as I start slowly and reasonably.

[makinalist]

In that case, S., I will work on changing mine as well!  I know deep down that more movement and some lifting would help me with my physical problems. Let's do it!

Oh - and I love this place, too. TTB is very dear to my heart.

[cara4art]

"Well, I can assure you that you are not alone...
I am not quite sure how my problems with gross motor skills started ; I suspect it is all because I am  short-sighted (I started wearing glasses when I was 11 ), and I also had a history of ear infections (otitis) if meant that I was probably quite deaf at times-this really affected my coordination and balance  and I found PE very challenging, especially games.If you are not good at sports you are seen as an inferior human being. I would have given all my good grades just to be good at sports...It was not until I was an adult that I found my niche and realised that physical activity does not have to be competitive and that there is something for everybody.
I would tell anyone who is concerned about taking up a sport/activity not to give up.Just find what you are comfortable with." - milla

I agree 100% - about the fact that if one were not good at sports you weren't good for much in physical education. Since I grew up in a very small town, for years the only organized outside activity at school was softball, which I hated with a passion, because of several things. When a small flying object is approaching one at great speed it seems that anyone in their right mind would duck. No, one is supposed to CATCH or HIT it LOL! Plus there really wasn't enough movement for this restless gal - a lot of time was spend standing around but all the other girls liked that because they didn't have to move their butts that much. Plus I couldn't hit a ball worth a d*** if you paid me. Basketball, in the last couple of years of high school was better because we had a decent coach who gave us a strong fitness base so we'd have the stamina to play games and beat the pants off of state teams(which we did). We did a lot of calisthenics work outside, in different weather too, to toughen us up. Although some of the exercises were a bear, I did relish the challenge and noticed that I felt really good with hard exercise at age 16 or so. Another thing was that I wasn't particularly a team player(understatement of the year and still is). But it wasn't until I was in my 20s that I found other ways of movement that weren't team-oriented etc. To this day I tend toward things that emphasize individual skill like dancing, weight-training, cardio, Pilates - all good, and help build confidence, a really important thing for women. Movement is awesome!

[Styyna]

When a small flying object is approaching one at great speed it seems that anyone in their right mind would duck. No, one is supposed to CATCH or HIT it LOL! Plus there really wasn't enough movement for this restless gal - a lot of time was spend standing around but all the other girls liked that because they didn't have to move their butts that much. Plus I couldn't hit a ball worth a d*** if you paid me.

I truly laughed out loud at your description of ducking!

As for hitting the ball - or not, as the case may be - in my early 20's I joined a coed softball team that was just for fun, no competition. I was absolutely shocked when I hit the ball and made it to first base! Alas, I was as determined to make it to second base as the second baseman was to get me out and we collided with his knee coming down on my leg. Not only was I out but I ended up in the hospital with a deep vein blood clot. That kind of ended my attempts at hitting a softball.

Movement is awesome!

Great sentiment! I'm going to keep repeating this to myself over the next weeks and months.