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Author Topic: Hello All - been a long time! UPDATE  (Read 282 times)

BeautyBarbara

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Hello All - been a long time! UPDATE
« on: November 12, 2017, 11:39:47 AM »
Hi Ladies -
Just wanted to stop in and say hi to everyone here -remembering you ladies and all your kind words.  I’ve been hanging in there.  Dad is 92 and still set in his ways I stay busy and out of his way.
Going through a stressful time as I am supporting my brother in his divorce.  He filed in May this year.  Let his wife quit her 90k job as she complained how stressful it was and once she had 10 years she would resign.  They both agreed and since he is a well-paid engineering manager she is just taking advantage of him.  Told her lawyer that he forced her to quit her job!  They are still living in the beautiful home separate rooms - but my brother will buy her out. Gave her everything pool nice deck new kitchen etc.  My brother pays everything!  They are both depositioning each other.  Also she had a 27 year old son that would trash house when they would go on vacation - my brother got him out through marriage counseling.  He is going down now to mooch off his bio dad in Fl left his job girlfriend left so good go!  Brother paid for wife to go to Fl last two winters and she threw a big tantrum at 2 in the morning because he wouldn’t pay full price for a condo for her.  Wanted my brother to do a will leaving money to her son.  So sad!  I hope on December 11 they come to settlement and she goes.  She is now taking care of friends wife w lung cancer and since he has always had a crush on her he said she can move in to in law apt.  YES my brother hides small digital bugs otherwise he has no idea what is going on. We communicate everyday - he goes to divorce support too.  She got the first settlement offer and says he will never get his premarital assets etc!  He has great proof and documentation!  He bought house 2 years before marriage.  She never paid mortgage or bills.  Praying that judge will see all this and after 19 year marriage it is over.  We don’t want this to go to trial.

Some days I am so beside myself and can’t believe the kind of woman she is.

I went to Florida this past Feb for a week - flew down with my brother to see her and vacation.  Brother paid her full rental for 4 months etc.  I had a fabulous time but the ugly part was that she had the Gaul to say to me that my brother better not be hiding money from her.  When my brother went to pick her up and drive her home she accused him of hiding money all the way home from Virginia.  He informed me when he got home May 1 enough was enough and so he filed.

Please keep us both in your prayers and thoughts. 
« Last Edit: November 23, 2017, 10:13:28 PM by BeautyBarbara »
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Styyna

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Re: Hello All - been a long time!
« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2017, 07:02:54 AM »
Hi BeautyBarbara. So glad to hear from you again! :drinking: (imagine your beverage of choice being consumed)

It sounds like your brother’s divorce is taking a lot out of both him and you. Having been through divorce twice, I know a bit of the dynamics though I must say that neither of mine were as contentious as your brother’s. There’s something about divorce that can bring out the worst in certain people and your soon-to-be former SIL clearly has fallen into that trap. I sincerely hope that they come to an agreement in December and that your brother is soon able to reclaim his life and move forward. Unfortunately, the presence of lawyers, while important, contributes to a rockier break up than might otherwise be the case. For example, after my first marriage ended my ex and I amicably agreed upon how to split all of our finances and possessions before consulting attorneys for help in drawing up the divorce agreement for the court. My attorney immediately informed me that I was leaving money “on the table” that I had a 50% interest in. It was my husband’s retirement plan and I didn’t earn the money so felt I had no interest in it. I had to insist on not claiming half. I was working and earning my own money so my decision felt right. I have no regrets either.

My decision worked, though, because it was based on our mutual common sense and the respect that we had for one another. It sounds like your SIL is out to get whatever she can get her hands on and that is so sad! I’m sure her attorney is also encouraging her to behave in some of the ways you describe though not all.

Eventually all will be resolved and your brother will be able to pick up the pieces and put a new life together for himself. He’s successful and has great support from you. Just remember to take care of yourself while you’re being his backstop, OK? It’s easy for nurturing women to take on the feelings of those we love. That’s hard emotional work and you need time just for yourself along the way. Best wishes!
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BeautyBarbara

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  • Posts: 169
Re: Hello All - been a long time!
« Reply #2 on: November 13, 2017, 08:42:42 AM »
Thank you Styyna for your advice and sharing your story.  Yes, my brother does say that her lawyer is playing to her emotions.  Of course telling her that my brother will not get his premarital assets backed out.  He is very well prepared with his retirement accounts and how much he is planning to split and give her.  He hired a certified divorce financial planner back in July and both of them have worked together along with his lawyer to come up with the best scenarios.  So glad he did because he was a tremendous help.   She will be well off and therefore there is no reason for all her nasty comments to her friends and neighbors.  She is definitely narcissistic and plays the victim only saying he was to take care of me!

I know sometimes friends don’t want to listen to what’s going on in on lives except for very close ones.  Even my Dad will say ok enough I don’t want to hear it!  My Mom was right years ago when she discouraged my brother not to marry this woman but when we are young and supposedly in love we don’t see things clearly.

It’s great to have a forum like this where we can come and freely share with others.
Thank you again Styyna - I feel a lot better now knowing that someone truly understands. 
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SusieQ

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Re: Hello All - been a long time!
« Reply #3 on: November 18, 2017, 11:18:26 AM »
Hi Barbara, your future ex SIL must be related to my ex SIL.  My brother was married to her for over 30 years when she decided that she longer wants to be married to him.  She worked but just to keep busy. She would go a beauty salon and spend hundreds of dollars and my brother would not blink.  He used to work for the city and he made a boat load of money which he showered on her and that's fine..I get it.  So, when it was time to leave, she decided that cheating was the best course to go.  She did and my brother was to blind to see it because he loved her. When they finally decided to call it quits she took half of everything...I mean everything and he allowed it. Then, I guess he woke up or realized that this woman was not the same woman he married in the 70s. Since she took half, he quit his job - working for the city, you can retire after a number of years - so that she can't claim alimony. But, she's not a bright woman - I mean she's smart but not bright.  She took all the money she can and she bought a new car, went traveling and pretty much paid for everything that she and her newly boyfriend spent in a two-year spending spree.

Karma bites and she sunk her teeth right in... do you know that she never even said goodbye to me?  She left one day...and I've not seen her since - yes, I was bitter but not anymore. Now, when my  niece or nephews bring her name up is when I think about her.  It's sad because we used to be close. Back to Karma...my ex SIL, spent right through the money and had a stroke w/no insurance. She is now paralyzed on one side, her boyfriend is no longer around - money is gone. She has no money or insurance and she currently lives with her middle son (my nephew and his wife is another weird story) - she cooks and help around the house. I still have not seen her and don't want to see. I don't mean to be mean but I want to take care of my love ones and she's not one of them.

Barbara, I hope all goes well for your brother and his daymare ends really soon.
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BeautyBarbara

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Re: Hello All - been a long time!
« Reply #4 on: November 19, 2017, 06:36:22 PM »
Thank you for your reply SusieQ.  That is a sad story for your brother.  It is very difficult for me to understand how woman can be this way.  They have good husbands like your brother and my brother providing for them and something just snaps.  I tried to be kind and good to her although our relationship didn’t grow that close - we only visited on Thanksgiving and Christmas and when my Mom passed away she helped me clean my house and then of course the vacation in Florida this past winter and maybe a couple times to use the pool.  For some reason she pretty much kept to herself.  I never understood that.  I also believed she tried to keep my brother isolated from me too. 

My brother even goes in to work on the weekends just to stay away from her.  He can work out at the company gym there and get some work done.  He called me this morning to say it was too cold and windy to go fishing and so went in to work.  Called me in the afternoon when he was leaving and said he was going to go visit a coworker who is retired and not in good health.  Said his wife was traveling to family for the holiday and that he would be home alone so my brother went to pay him a visit.

Brother has two big buckets of coins in basement that they were saving to furnish condo in Fl if they had bought one.  Brother is so glad he didn’t.  He offered to go to bank with his wife to put in coin machine and split money - she didn’t respond said he will ask in front of lawyers at deposition on Tuesday about splitting the coins.  Brother said she will have to respond then.

I cannot imagine the stress on you and your brother to see him go through this.  My sil is a smoker of cigarettes and medical marijuana and it’s taking a toll on her health.  Brother never smoked a day in his life!  He can’t stand it.  He is thinking to pay her alimony and god forbid she get ill and she comes down with lung cancer or something and passed the alimony would end instead of giving her a huge lump sum of money at once.

  I hope your brother is at peace and has healed and moved on in his life.

I am just so tired of hearing about her attitude and the way she is so controlling and manipulative and all the false accusations.  She is definitely a mess my brother said trying to take care of friend with cancer which she thinks my brother knows nothing about.  If she had any brains she would speak up and tell him.

I can’t wait till Tuesday for my brother to have his deposition.  He did not force my sil to quit her job.  She constantly complained about her job to him and her friends and all he said was that she should quit her job if she hates it that bad but it was her choice.
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BeautyBarbara

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Re: Hello All - been a long time! UPDATE
« Reply #5 on: November 23, 2017, 01:06:38 PM »
Just a note to say that the divorce deposition for my brother this past Tuesday was cancelled due to the fact that his wife and her lawyer did not have time to review the settlement agreement that my brother’s attorney had sent over!  Doesn’t make any sense and they have sat on it for two weeks!  My brother told his lawyer that is unacceptable.  What does not reviewing the settlement have to do with giving a deposition anyway?

Also this means that his wife’s deposition is being cancelled also for the following week.  Brother thinks she is getting cold feet because she is afraid of being depositioned. 

In the meantime brother requested his wife’s financials and discovered some discrepancies.  She hasn’t provided all the dates and also doesn’t show where her monthly annuity is going.  My brother saw that there was 30K he knew nothing about and that her loser son is the beneficiary on her checking account.

Brother reviewed and sent an email to his lawyer pointing out all the missing loopholes and wants full disclosure from her attorney by next Thursday so he can review.

Good news is is that they are having a four way conference with both lawyers at my brothers lawyers office next Friday.  It will give them 10 days to meet again if needed by December 11 court day on which he could be divorced. 

In the mean time friend bringing her firewood as she has been using what they currently share.

Geez hope she is not planning to drag this on for the winter.  My brother wants her gone.  She cooked up a big Thanksgiving dinner for her friend who is dying of cancer for her family.  My brother went fishing and is going home to cook some fish and have some peace and quiet while she is gone.
« Last Edit: November 23, 2017, 10:12:33 PM by BeautyBarbara »
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